Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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