The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
