She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
What a dumb baby whore.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
