Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
