I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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