No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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