did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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