obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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