Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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