I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
