I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
