if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
