i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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