She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
