nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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