what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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