I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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