so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
