White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
