I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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