Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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