saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
