You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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