Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
