My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
