oh god the rape fog is back!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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