Just fell off a train. Bad.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
