I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
