how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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