Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
