Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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