U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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