This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
