its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
