Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
