upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
