She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
