John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
