I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
