420 ftw
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
