So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
