i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
