I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
