sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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