even my farts smell like vagina
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
