I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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