I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
