Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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