I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
