Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
