My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
