There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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