She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
