roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
