shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize