just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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