Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
A bitchslap is in order.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
