South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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