After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Bring me that man meat
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
