As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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