I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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