So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize