I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
