We named our party play list daddy issues
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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