He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
