i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize