So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
