I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
