so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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