planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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