i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
