I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
