got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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